Anonymous
INVASION OF THE WYNDHAM BODY SNATCHERS!!!
My sister and I arrived in Vegas this past weekend, eager to begin her birthday shenanigans. However, the shenanigans were interrupted a sales pitch that stole 4 precious hours of our lives, which we will never get back. Our journey into the Timeshare Twilight Zone began when we were stopped by a seemingly innocent woman who asked if we needed help. We were looking for our room, so we did, in fact, need help. (If only we knew at the time just how much help we were going to need.) Instead of helping us find our room, she proceeded to offer us some Attack of the Clones-esque death sticks in the form of vouchers for attractions, restaurants, and hotel nights. The catch? In her words, we needed to take a shuttle to North Korea-- I mean-- a neighboring Wyndham hotel-- and take a 2 hour tour of it and give it a review. Simple, right? Well, one life lesson learned from Gilligan's Island is to never trust a 3 (or, in this case, 2) hour tour. The next morning, after we took the shuttle to the Worldmark by Wyndham hotel in Las Vegas, the promised tour gained an eerie yellow glow and slowly morphed into its true form-- a 3+ hour sales pitch for a Club Wyndham timeshare membership. We met several representatives, each more soulless than the last-- so much that I'm convinced the last one was a dementor. More on that later. Sure, the idea seemed cool at first. You sign up, pay your monthly dues, rack up points, and use them to stay at "any affiliated timeshare, hotel, or resort." A quick google search of Club Wyndham reveals that people are often unable to use their points or book when they want. They end up chucking their hard earned money into the ravenous black hole of the Wyndham CEOs' pockets. In the words of John Oliver, you're better off burying your money in the ground, because there's a good chance your dog will dig it up and give it back to you one day. Multiple well known manipulative sales tactics were used, from pushing you to buy the expensive premium membership "RiGhT nOw, BeCaUsE iT WoN't Be AvAiLaBlE aFtEr ToDaY," to buttering us up by pretending to care about our personal lives, to trying to chop down the monthly price to a mere 30 dollars and offer a 0 down payment option (which would absolutely not end up happening). I'll give our first sales rep this-- she referred to the original lady who flagged us down the previous night as "one of the body snatchers." I'll use that term to refer to salespeople who accost you from now on. As we politely declined, the reinforcement cronies were summoned. The first one covered up the down payment price with his big meaty claws. He aggressively pried into our financial lives and pushed the sale even further down our unsuspecting throats with questions of, "What monthly price will work for you? You spend so much money to come here. You took the time to come here. So why can't you put time and money into this?" I'll admit-- I was maybe 3% sold on considering the idea in the future before he came to the table. When he came, his aggressive pitches pushed me light years away from any interest I may have previously had. We continued to decline. Then the final boss arrived-- a dark, sinister man. At first deceptively friendly and affable. But the word "no" was foreign to him. After we released our full arsenal of multiple utterances of, "No," and, "I DECLINE," he finally pulled out the declination form that my sister and I had been salivating over for the past 3 hours. I would have signed it in blood if I could have. After our final declination, our final boss underwent a complete change of demeanor and morphed into a soul sucking hole of black death incapable of a single nicety. He begrudgingly led us to the desk where we were to finally pick up our (very) hard earned vouchers, simply grunting, "Go get your stuff." The final cry of a defeated boss. We were free at last. And we at least walked out with museum tickets, restaurant vouchers, and a couple nights' hotel stay. But it wasn't worth the headache. Epilogue: Two days later, another body snatcher (who quite possibly has the ability to teleport) lunged at us out of nowhere, shouting, "WhEn ArE yOu GuYs ChEcKiNg OuT???" Luckily, my sister was distracted by an adjacent store, and we easily escaped his clutches. Later, another one screamed, "EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE MEEE!!!" The moral of the story: If an aggressively friendly person at a Las Vegas hotel/casino tries to get your attention, don't make eye contact. Keep walking. Enjoy the vacation you actually wanted. It's better to be rude than end up being swindled into buying something you don't need, don't want, and can't afford.
