Adam
Nintendo customer service stinks
To define Nintendo customer service as incompetent would be to assume that they are at least making an attempt at competence. This would be giving them credit they thoroughly do not deserve. Instead, what appears to be going on is a meticulously executed contempt for its customers at odds with the public image it has crafted through its games. I’ve bought Nintendo consoles and games for years and (mostly) thoroughly enjoyed them. They understand how to bring joy to players around the world, which makes it all the more ironic and darkly poetic that, when it comes to customer service, Nintendo engender the opposite feeling: misery. I’ve been experiencing an issue with card payments for several weeks now and my attempts to resolve this with Nintendo rival the work of Kafka (this may be an exaggeration - you’ll soon find out). Until about a month ago, I was happily using my debit card of choice to pay for games in Nintendo’s online shop, blissfully unaware of the fate that was about to befall me. Perhaps I got too complacent with this cosy arrangement, whereby I used my card to pay Nintendo money for games on its service and Nintendo deemed me worthy of downloading these games because, one day, with no warning and no change to my card, account, or anything else, Nintendo announced - via an inscrutable error code - that there was a problem with my payment. This, of course, warranted further investigation, which yielded the fact that, according to Nintendo, there was indeed an error with my card and I should contact my bank. “Au contraire,” I retorted, to no-one in particular (and certainly not a Nintendo customer service representative, because finding one of these is probably up there tracking down a legitimate Polybius* arcade cabinet). Anyway, I digress. I often do. My card, it became evident, did not have an error due to the fact that I had used it (and continue to use it) to pay for - y’know - things. Nevertheless, I duly filled in a form registering my error and was soon furnished with an automated email confirming my reporting of said error and that this would be followed up. It was. By an automated email telling me that there was an error with my card and that I should contact the bank or try one of the alternative options. I diligently tried these (a different card, PayPal) only to be greeted with the same error. “Oh ho!” I cried (to no-one in particular and certainly not a Nintendo customer service representative, who seem rarer than announcements about Half Life 3*), “Something is afoot.” This was evidently not an issue with my card. So I diligently reported the issue once again, this time with a stern warning that an automated email would simply not cut it - I wanted someone to take this seriously. I sweetened the deal, appealing to their pocket (I waved the spectre of cancelling my online subscription at them). Nintendo, to their credit, continued to be consistent in sending automated emails. They’re committed to it, which is admirable in a sick kind of way. So I went through with my plans and cancelled my NSO subscription. No more Nintendo online for me! “That’ll send a strong message”, I thought. It didn’t. No further attempt to resolve this matter was made by Nintendo despite me bringing out the red shells*. So I waited and, after what felt like a courteous amount of time for them to contact me in attempt to finally resolve the situation, sent a final, direct email to their customer service email address, laying out my issue and attempts to resolve it, explaining why it was clear that the error was not with my card and expressing my vexation and disappointment at their poor handling of this situation. I also insisted that, should they wish to contact me, only a serious customer service professional would do. “That’ll cut through,” I thought, with the charming naïveté of someone who still thinks that expecting to hear from an actual human to resolve a problem in a post-LLM world is a viable outcome in these kinds of situations. Lo and behold! Today I finally received an email. An automated email. Informing me that there is a problem with my card and that I should contact my bank. I suppose, in a strange kind of way, Nintendo’s customer service has been effective: Nintendo evidently do not want me to pay for their games and now, happily, neither do I! What a brilliant resolution. Turns out they knew what they were doing all along! Well done Nintendo! Which is all a rather florid way of saying the following: Nintendo’s customer service stinks. I wrote that in the subject line. You didn’t need to get this far. *A range of video game references were used in this review for flavour. Replace these with a scarcity metaphor of your choosing, according to taste.