D B.
I will never get back the last year of…
I will never get back the last year of my mother’s life, and that is something I will carry with me forever. She was in memory care. I have worked in this industry for over 17 years and felt I had no choice after what I had seen. I contacted the state regarding concerns I had about my mother’s care, I was banned by Hillside’s owners and Executive Director from freely entering the community to see my mother. I live out of state and work in the senior living industry, and I raised concerns because of things I personally witnessed, heard, and was told by staff. For approximately the last year of my mother’s life, my visits were severely restricted. I was generally allowed to see her only when a family member was willing to escort me into the building and remain with me. I was required to stay in my mother’s room and was told I could not speak with staff, residents, or other families or be elsewhere in the building—even to use the restroom. I was characterized as aggressive and accused of lying about what I had witnessed and what staff had told me. Rather than feeling that my concerns were being heard and addressed, I felt I was being punished for raising them. The result was that I lost precious time with my mother that can never be replaced. During the final week of her life, while my mother was actively dying, Hillside finally allowed me to remain with her throughout the day. Even then, I needed the community’s permission to be there. I spent that final week at my mother’s side, largely alone. I do want to acknowledge the people who showed compassion. The staff were kind to me during my mother’s final days, and the hospice team did a good job. I believe many of the direct-care staff genuinely care about the residents. My concern is that some staff appeared not to have the level of training necessary to recognize practices that I believed were inconsistent with appropriate senior care and state requirements. I am sharing my experience because families considering senior living should understand how important it is to ask questions, stay involved, document concerns, and understand their loved one’s rights. I spoke up because I cared about my mother and her care. I should not have lost access to her because I did so. My mother is gone now. There is no way to give me back that final year with her. I will live with the hurt and anger of that loss for the rest of my life. Hillside did this to me, and no family should have to experience what I did.